In Love And War
by AbraFilo
Summary: Ben watches as Juliet makes love to Jack in an attempt to infuriate him, but how is he supposed to take revenge on the woman he loves? Ben/Juliet Oneshot


Disclaimer: I do not own Lost or any of its characters, the events that take place are purely fictional and are written for enjoyment.

_How could she be doing this? and right in front of me too, I have honestly never seen this side to her before and i'm not enjoying the opening._ I'm aware of myself paceing the room like a mad man but I have no desire to stop for fear i'd lose my temper and break something, or everything I could wrap my fingers around. I have a perfect view from anywhere in the dark office, I realise, after retracing my steps for maybe the twelf time. There is no question that she is doing this on purpose just to see my reaction and the very limits of how far she can push me. At this moment if three wishes were to fall into my lap I think the first one would be to kill the doctor where he stands, to make Juliet suffer and the third one contraire to popular belief would not be to make Juliet love me back. I don't need help from a magical lamp or genie to do that, I have a long term plan in the working that will do just fine. _Then again I can't kill the doctor can I, no I can't touch the bastard, that would jeopardize all the plans I have._ As much as I hate to admit, even if only in thought, I need him to perform the surgery or everything else falls apart with it. I realise then that this definatley wasn't done on a whim for the simple reason that I _**can't**_ touch him and that I will have to act the same around him as I always do and pretend I never saw this. This is the point where I clearly see what my third wish would be, to retract the first one.

This morning I had thought that it was going to be a great day, I thought that Juliet may have finally realised that I am indeed human and like all humans am perfectly capable of making mistakes. I don't know why I felt that, it was just a feeling but as it would turn out, I was wrong. At times I really envy people who are pessimistic, I truly believe they never get so deeply dissapointed to see all their hopes and expectations sucked away in a kiss like I'm doing right now. It stings just to think about this morning now, how I had put special effort into making my naturally spikey hair fluffy, put on a red shirt as opposed to a green one, and the new cologne, _I had to wait an extra __**month**__ for it to fall from the sky because they had to classify it as a 'special' order, what bullshit._ I went through all that to watch Juliet run her hands through his hair and share a kiss with him, she must know that she isn't getting away with this. Not a chance in hell. I close my eyes to ease the rage building in my chest and think back once more. I have to admit that if I had to pick one thing that was truly memorable about this morning it would have to be Alex, or more specifically the look she gave me. I know just what's going through her mind, why I can have a relationship and she can't. I know that she will hate me for a long time because of this, maybe even the rest of her life. Not that I care as long as she will have the rest of her life to hate me, a luxury she wouldn't have if that boy warmed up to her.

The worst part though is that it isn't just Alex, no one approves of the relationship that I'm striving for. They all see it and condemn it for the simple fact that I'm the human leader. It drives me insane how they treat me like a child, telling me what I may and may not do, what I may and may not have. I _**am **_the one in charge but that does _**not**_ make me any less human. Richard has even voiced his opinion about it being wrong to my face. I'm not one to solve problems through violence but I warned him that if anyone came between us two there would be consequences and it isn't an empty bluff. Jacob isn't so easy to deal with though he wanted me to do everything in my power to get rid of her, it was the first time I had refused without compromise. Then I got a rather large dose of humiliation in the form of a tumor on my spine Juliet confirmed it one day after Jacob told me exactly what it was, leverage. I know what he wanted, it wasn't that hard to figure out. Jacob obviously wanted me to go crawling back to him and beg that he cured me, broken and willing to carry out his every whim on command. Then a spinal surgeon fell from the sky and my problem was solved without him. The truth of the matter is that I know any threat like this is an empty threat, he would never kill me because I'm the only one he has. I doubt he would ever let my world go beyond temporary suffering, like he did after I adopted Alex. The next five years were very trying but I wouldn't give up Alex for the world. I have the same opinion on giving up Juliet, Jacob knows this and I don't even want to think about how infinitely pissed off he is. It isn't something that can be dealt with or changed though, I care for them both and I always will. It's something I can't help and I don't think I would prevent it even if I had that option, after all, I'm only human.

I dare to open my eyes again and find her to still be in Jack's embrace though it's a little tighter and more intimate now and no longer just a small peck on the lips. At this point I find it impossible to tear my eyes away, it's torture to watch but I can't stop and even find myself turning the knob on the intercom. It has no effect to find that they aren't speaking I'm neither relieved or more enraged. I switch it back off and stand to watch, every lasting second their together is another singe to my heart. It finally ends, I look to the clock and find they were together for approximently seven minutes and thirty seven seconds, oh yes, I did keep count. In books I read they often describe shocking and horrific moments like these to seem longer than they actually are. I find that it's more like a mental branding that will stay with you until death and the events only end to replay over and over again inside your head to eternally torment you into thinking _'What could I have done differently to prevent this?'_ I glance back at the room and realize that she has just left Jack and quickly jump into action.

I take a seat in the nearest chair with haste, almost knocking it over and begin rereading some papers that litter the large desk. I hear the door creak and within a second the lights are on, Juliet never shares a similair interest with me out of spite and is always ready to broadcast it. I turn to meet her gaze as normally as I would any other day and am not the least bit suprised to see that Juliet looks as though she just had the time of her life and is almost glowing with satisfaction. Seeing her sadistic joy in teasing me an old sensation stirs and awakens in me once more. The last I remember feeling this was when she was cupping Goodwin's dead face in her hands, with a look of entire despair carved in every line of her flawless face. To this day I don't know the definate cause of my emotional meltdown, whether it was that she cried for him or the way she looked at me, as if I had taken away her whole world and reason for living. The reptillian creature weaves through my ribs and chest and tears at my heart with its weasel like teeth. The merciless tearing and ripping ignites my mind into thought like a mighty burning furnace powered by one word that echoes through my mind with every heartbeat, Revenge.

Juliet takes the seat right next to me, an extremely arrogant move for her to make especially after her little display with the doctor as I watched from my front row seat as an honoured guest. It's as if she's saying to me _'take a good look because this is something you will never have, something you will never touch'._ For the first time I see whats really happening between us and I realize that in a way I'm not the one in power, as I would like to think, but that the majority of power is more balanced between us than anything. I have leadership, I know every square inch of the island, I have influence and mostly, the island is on my side. But, she has sway over my mood through the looks she gives me, or the ones I never recieve, has effects on my decisions in the words she says and the cryptic messages in every layer of them, say in my judgement through the conversations we have and the arguements we endure and to a greater degree, maybe even power on my overall behavior and leadership through her overall hatred and rejection of me. In an ironic yet poetic way that makes us both at the others mercy. Which in this relationship, isn't a very comforting place to be.

I easily decide that my first task should be to unnerve her, The idea comes as naturally as making breakfast. I stand up suddenly from my chair and let my shoulder slide along her upper arm as I do so, that should set things in motion. My next move is to remain standing until she needs to leave her seat for one reason or another, it shouldn't be too difficult. _The door, what if she decides to just run for it? I have the key that could lock it in my coat pocket, or is it my left pant pocket? wait_ I risk turning to check if I really need to lock the door, and as luck would have it I don't. She's wearing high heels, Juliet may be a fast runner but I take great pride in my concealed athletic abilities and have full confidence that if she tried to dash out she wouldn't make it past the first security door. It's impossible to say how long my eyes lingered on her messy golden hair but it was long enough to sense the eyes on her and she turned, giving me the filthiest look she could muster on such short notice, no doubt. In reply I smiled back, from practice I knew this one in particular gave my face an edge of sarcastic joy, the exact one I wanted.

Juliet's expression remains on her face as she stands to refill her coffee mug and I prepare to make my next move. I wait until she fills her mug, something that should only take about twenty seconds but watching the clock I realize that it takes her almost a minute. Juliet is headed back to her desk when I step forward to recieve my own empty mug and walk past her. It works out exactly how I wanted it to, as we pass eachother I manage to brush the knuckles of my left hand across her waistline. She's at least three feet away from me but I can still feel her temperature drop as she realises that _**my**_ hand just brushed across her waist. _Life just isn't fair is it Juliet?_ I think supressing a smile. I turn and her eyes meet mine, this time they arn't filled with hatred or disgust but fear, this isn't how I am. I hear the mug placed on the desk and I follow suit without breaking eye contact. The reptillian creature is now slowly sliding around in my chest as if waiting to pounce, I know I am. Juliet is moving towards the door while trying to maintain eye contact._ Sorry but things just arn't going to work out like that._

In one fluent movement I have her by the wrists and pinned to the wall, I used a little more force in that then I would have liked judging by the rapid breath I feel on my face. As I'm about to move in closer I have a change of heart when I realize that this is exactly what shes excpecting. She hasn't even attempted to resist but has gone limp and is squeezing her eyes shut. I then realize what shes thinking and excpecting, something a lot worse than I had in mind. My original idea was to get a simple kiss and leave her here to cry it out but I think some improvision is required at this point. I begin at her jawline where it meets the neck, it takes a great deal of will power to be gentle when I want nothing more than to draw blood. She begins to shake as I maintain control of my violent desire to hurt her as much as I possibly can for all she's put me through. The snake hisses and begins tearing at my heart yet again in protest as it realises I'm resisting. It makes little difference however, as I'm lost in concentration on what I'm currently working on. I finally reach her chin and bring my lips up to meet hers.

Juliet's lips are already parted and I find this actually dissapoints me, this is too easy. I pull my head back to look up into her know open eyes.I find it only suiting that I should have to look up to her after all I would put nothing above her, not even my own miserable life as Jacob would have found out if not for the crash. She's looking at me with a confused expression as she continues to tremble in my grip. My lips part in a wide grin of their own accord, which isn't at all unusual. I find that all my acts and disguises take on a life of their own when her eyes are set on me. I release her wrists though she refuses to let them drop as if afraid I might change my mind and take them back. I step backwards while holding her gaze, It's quite interesting to have eyes like mine, it makes it easier to emphasize a point or to burrow into someones head. I take in the picture one last time, inhale deeply, turn on my heel and march out the door.

Once i'm out of the office I stand close to the door, now that I'm no longer concentrating I can feel the violent protests of the snake once more. It is no longer just tearing at my heart but feels as though it may actually have taken it in its teeth and is restlessly smashing it against my ribcage while thrashing wildly as if set on fire. I absolutely refuse to give into temptation _patience, patience, patience..._ Then I hear it. I hear her sobbing from beyond the wall that seperates us. The snake seems to dissolve in my chest and melt away once again. It's a relief to feel it leave though I have serious doubts it will stay gone. I also feel unnaturaly cold and empty, It doesn't seem to go away either. I absently shrug as if to convince myself that it is no big deal and begin to walk away. In time it actually begins to hurt as though the emptiness is melting my insides, mostly through my heart though, if I have one left.

**Authors Note: This is my first Juliet and Ben oneshot and I can not believe I thought of the whole story down to sentence form in less than three hours yet it took me more than two weeks to write it. I guess Exams, work, coaching and homework can do that.**


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